The Coaching Corner

The Price of Stress-Are You Taking On Too Much?

As a mom, you are probably not too unfamiliar with doing more than your share of the chores, the cooking, the comforting, the shopping, and the "holding it all together in the house". This may be how it has always been for you and how it was for your mom.

Think for a moment about what is your share of the work, pressure, and burden in your home. Is it more than your equal share? Be honest with yourself. If you were not protecting the other family members and took an honest look, are you taking on more than your share? Are there others in the family who could be helping you out?

Don't be surprised if you are. You certainly are not alone. You may not even realize that you have put yourself in this place. You may be used to living like this. But, in fact, the load you have chosen to take on (yes, "chosen") may be more damaging to your heath and to your family than you are aware of.

What could be damaging about helping out? Or about making a nice clean home with great meals, or picking up the kids on time, and so forth? Well, for one thing, ask yourself if you are missing out on your life. What about your desires, your health, your peace of mind-is it suffering? Just because you are a mom and a wife, does not mean you are no longer still a vibrant woman with her own dreams and desires.

Here is a hint: if you have no time for yourself each day, then you are doing too much. If your shoulders and neck ache from worry and stress, ask yourself what the tension is about.

You can choose to lessen the load you have taken on. You may not see any possible options, solutions, or other ways to tackle the situation. You may not think there is anyone else who could help ease the burden. But, perhaps there is another way-and it just has not yet entered your mind!

How can you begin to figure out a solution to your stress? First, you need to recognize the stress and the damage it may be causing you-not just physically but emotionally. I don't believe we are here to "get through" each day. If there is no time in your life for you, then you are depriving yourself of the ability to do what you love. You are depriving yourself of time to find peace (or find your "center"), to relax, and to take care of yourself. Hence, you are depriving yourself of the ability to be the best woman-and therefore the best mom-that you can be.

If you can't see the effects of this deprivation on yourself, can you see the effects on those around you? Are you short tempered with your kids? Are you disinterested in romance with your husband? Are you so focused on getting things organized or picked up, that the chores and the cleanliness of the house have become more important than the personal relationships in your life?

If you see yourself in any of these examples, perhaps you would like to take one or more of the following steps to start to make a change:

  1. Meditate daily. For one minute or twenty. The point is to DO IT, no matter what. If you don't know how, just sit in a chair and focus on your breath. Begin with the intention to take time to STOP everything and put your chores on hold. Let yourself go within. There is plenty of information readily available on the benefits and techniques of meditation.
  2. Ask for help. Ask your husband, partner, friend, children, paid helper, or someone to take on an additional role of support in the family. Let this person, for example, pick up the kids on Wednesdays. Start to see areas to let him or her help out more. Think about where you want more support, even if you don't think you can have it. Get in touch with what you might WANT. Dream about it. Focus on it. The things that you focus on have a way of showing up more often in your life! Let your mind explore the possibilities.
  3. Hire help. Hire a cleaning lady, cook, professional shopper, groceries.com, or others who can take on some of the workload. Even if it is just one day a month, some of your stress will be relieved.
  4. Include your kids in the solution. Ask your kids to take on more supportive roles, such as cleaning the kitchen or helping with the cooking. It may be helpful to your kids later in life if they are learning about responsibility now. Get together and decide among the family who will do which chores. Perhaps rotate the chores.
  5. See friends. Make a date with a girlfriend weekly to meet for lunch, coffee, a movie, or a drink. Keep the date no matter what. Make it a huge priority. Do what you need to do to get away from the house. And, when you do, let go of the worry about your family. Be present with your friend during this time. Enjoy yourself fully! Pretend for an hour or two that you are a free spirit. Let yourself have a blast! (Not that you don't love your family-but you also must take care of yourself-on a regular basis.)
  6. Listen to your body. The aches and pains you are ignoring or taking pills to cover up, are providing you with a valuable message. If you listen, the aches can communicate to you information about what you are doing to yourself. Take time to feel the muscles in your body and slow down the pace. Or, speed up the pace and walk, exercise, stretch, or do yoga. Your body may need a workout.

    Heal Your Body : The Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Metaphysical Way to Overcome Them/102A (If you are so inclined, check out the book, Heal Your Body, by Louise Hay. In this incredible book, Louise gives possible emotional reasons for physical ailments and an affirmative statement for each ailment.)

Even a little step in the right direction can have a positive affect on your days and your life. Please, before you say that change in this area is impossible, think about your situation and the reasons why you want or need to make changes. Become aware of the stress you are under, and create, in your mind, some outcomes you would like to see. Don't worry about what is possible-just daydream about what you would like. Even letting yourself dream about what you want may be a big first step. You do the dreaming-let your subconscious help find ways to make these dreams a reality.

If you will give yourself just a small amount of space from your stress, problems, and feeling out-of-balance, you can start to find solutions!

Andrea Wylan
Personal Success Coach
858-457-7558
awylan@yahoo.com
http://www.innerworks.ws