The Coaching Corner
Are You Ready for a Change?
By Andrea Wylan
What would you like to change about your life? Would you like a different job, a better-performing staff, a higher income, to be a better leader, inner-peace, a happier relationship, a healthier body, less stress? What are your hopes for your life? Do you let yourself think about the possibilities?
Sometimes, it is too difficult to think about what we want. We may believe we can't have it, it's not "realistic", or it is a waste of time. So, we don't even bother dreaming up possibilities for our life-unless, perhaps, we have recently purchased a lottery ticket!
Desired change is possible, and it can even happen quickly.
So, how can you change? How can you start to create your life as you would like it to be? As a professional coach, I help people change their lives-inside and outside of businesses. One powerful tool I use is to help my clients shift their perspectives.
What's your perspective?
Your perspective is how you view or see something, such as a situation you are in. It is how you choose (consciously or not) to interpret your place in the situation. This includes how you fit into the situation, and from this place, what you believe your options are.
With any situation, there are an infinite number of ways to interpret what is happening and what your response might be. In other words, there are an infinite number of perspectives you can choose (yes, choose) in a situation. You are responsible for choosing the perspective from which you view each and any experience in your life.
But we usually don't see ourselves as having a choice! So, we don't make a choice. We are more likely to think things are being done "to us" and that we have no control over them. We say to ourselves, "This is how the world (or my boss, or my boyfriend, mother, son, etc) is". "I can't change it!" "This is what I am stuck with."
Guess what? This isn't the truth!
We actually have more power and control over how we show up to events in our lives than we think we do. We can learn to move from automatically reacting-to a place where we get to choose our reaction. We are free to become conscious and to choose.
As you start to choose, you are impacting what shows up in your life. The perspective you decide to be "in" affects your actions, your feelings, and your experience.
Take, for example, how you might respond if a friend canceled a lunch date with you at the last minute. Would you:
- Decide your friend doesn't like you anymore.
- Determine your friend is self-centered or rude.
- Be happy for the free lunch hour you now have.
- Wonder why he or she is canceling and maybe even wonder if they are okay.
- Reschedule the lunch without giving it much thought.
You get the point. With the same situation, there are numerous, very different ways to view it.
Look at the first perspective listed above. How you would feel if you chose this one? What about if you chose number five? How would your feelings be different? You'd likely feel more peaceful and joyful if you chose number five. And as a result, you would likely have a better afternoon because of it.
Here is a powerful truth; when you choose to see differently, you feel differently. When you feel differently, you experience your life differently. Feeling differently leads to acting differently and making different choices.
Bottom line-you can change your world in a single moment by changing your perspective.
Creating a new "automatic pilot"
Changing your perspective takes practice! Let's face it, you have years of practice operating on "automatic pilot" where you didn't choose-you just let your reactions choose for you. If you want to feel better, then you get to start choosing. Over and over you will want to remind yourself to choose the perspective you want to be in.
The beauty of putting in this effort is how much better you will feel. As you "try on" each perspective, you become aware of how differently each feels. I invite you to try many perspectives, play with them, and then exercise your power to choose.
Lori is a good example of the impact of changing one's perspective. She was looking for a new job and was not only not having success, but she was feeling pretty unhappy. Lori was continually bitter that individuals in the companies she applied to were not getting back to her. She focused on how they were not respecting her. She got more and more angry and frustrated with her job hunting process. As a result, she felt powerless and unhappy-believing she was being mistreated and the world was "unfair".
When Lori realized she was choosing this "victim-like" perspective, she was able to switch her focus to taking care of herself and her needs. She chose to place her attention on what she wanted and how she could get it-rather than waiting for others to do it for her. She kept working at changing her focus. As a result, Lori was able to apply for more jobs and keep looking forward to where she wanted to be.
With her new perspective, her attitude changed. And, as you can imagine, her new more responsible and positive attitude changed her experience of her situation, much for the better.
She felt powerful, in control, and like a new job was possible. Not only did Lori spend her time and energy more effectively, but her new outlook changed her desirability to others. She came across as a pleasant person that people would want to be around. And, she landed a job that was what she had hoped for!
Choosing a different perspective can have a domino effect on your impact on, and your experience in, your workplace, your home, your community, and the world.
Choosing your perspective
Choosing a new perspective is a powerful tool available to everyone of us when we are ready to use it. Use these easy steps and practice!
Step 1-Decide to change
Sometimes, we don't want to change. Conditioning has taught us to stay in an old pattern and not make a choice. The old way is familiar. It is comfortable and takes less effort. There might even be payoff for feeling bad, not getting what you want, or being stuck! So, decide you want to change. The benefits can be great.
Step 2-Get clear on your perspective in a situation
Take a look at the area in your life that is not satisfying or is frustrating. Ask yourself, "What is my perspective here?" Really take some time to get clear on your perspective. We tend to operate with our perspectives on automatic pilot. Often, we don't even know we have "a perspective"! Here's the tricky part-if you aren't aware of your perspective, and are not consciously choosing one that feels good-the one you are choosing by "default" is still affecting you.
(If you want to play with perspective examples in your life, some areas to look at might be: career; employees; finances; family and friends; significant other; hobbies and recreation; living and working environment; personal growth; and spirituality/religion. What are your perspectives on these areas of your life? The possibilities, limitations, desires, etc.)
Step 3-Create new perspectives
When you are clear on your perspective, come up with several alternate ones. Stretch your mind! Ask a friend or co-worker for help if you want. For example, if you dislike your job and you determine your current perspective to be, "It's useless, I will never be able to do what I want," perhaps a new perspective is: "I am ready to find a career I am passionate about," or, "there is a perfect job out there and it is time for me to find it." These really are new ways of approaching a situation in your life.
Step 4-Choose one
Now, look at the choices you've listed. Choose one that feels best, most powerful, most peaceful, or most appropriate for you. This will be the perspective you want to "be in" for now.
Step 5-Live here!
The next step is the big one. Live in the new perspective for a while. It's simple. Place your focus there. Every time you realize you are back in the old perspective, choose again! You will know when you have slipped back into the old because it won't feel good. Have fun and keep practicing this until it becomes more natural. Enjoy the increased satisfaction in your life!
Andrea Wylan, Principal Coach of Innerworks Coaching, is a Business and Personal Success Coach. Her company works with individuals and businesses to help support change. Andrea can be reached at 858-457-7558, awylan@yahoo.com